Vacation Ponderings

When I was in theological study, the words “self-care” were tossed around almost as much as words like “solidarity” and “growing edges.” Self-care was part of the New Green Ministry Personnel lexicon.

Of course, most of us did not have the first bit of a clue as to what those words meant, or why we might ever need to cling to them like a life boat. Or perhaps I was the only one who thought self-care meant ensuring that I get my day off every week and that once I had accomplished that, I had it all figured out.

I am a slow learner. It has taken me roughly thirteen years to figure out what it means to say: “Me” time makes me a better person for “We” time. (Sorry, but I cannot remember where I first read that quote) As a true Introvert in every sense of the word, that “me” time is more important than I ever thought it might be.

Life in the church can be very seductive.

For anyone with:
1. a need to be liked,
2. a need to feel needed,
3. a need to be indispensable,

....well, the church is your ticket to happiness. Let’s take a look at each one of these potential life changers....

1.You will always be liked. On the other hand.....You will always be disliked.

Keeping those two things in perspective is more than important – it is vital. Without that perspective, trust me, your shelf-life will be fairly short. I make a point of reading this article by Gordon Atkinson (formerly known online as Real Live Preacher) at least once a month.

"There Are Twelve People Who....

His primary thesis that we must not put too much weight on either being liked or being disliked is brilliant. It reminds me that thinking you are the worst person in the world is just as arrogant as thinking that you are the best person in the world. Both of those extremes are costly to one’s soul. Knowing ourselves, our skills, our “growing edges”, our frailties, and our best qualities is the work of a lifetime of inner reflection. In ministry, it is by necessity a work in progress. I would also consider it to be vital self-care.

2.You will always be needed.

The task of ministry is never done. The level of pastoral need, administrative need, exegetical and hermeneutical reflection on biblical texts, ongoing spiritual feeding of your soul so that you have something left to share with others, and of course locking up the church after Sunday worship – these tasks and so very many others, will always stand as a grand mountain in front of you.

Again – perspective.

There are two ways to see that mountain:

One – as an impossible task that you are determined to complete before you die, even if it kills you. And it can.

Two – an ever-present incarnation of opportunity for moments of sacredness. This second perspective is the very reason you ever thought this ministry thing might be a good idea. It is the essence of your call to serve God within the church. Yes, those tasks listed above are pieces of the mountain, but the real mountain that you were called upon to climb with the blessing of God and the church is the one that takes your breath away with its sheer beauty.

It is that moment when the most achingly shy child in your congregation takes time during the week to make a picture with your name on it. It is that moment when someone whose essence is slowly retreating into the horror of Alzheimer’s disease sees you and speaks your name. It is the moment of silence in the room when a family has gathered to see a loved one move from this life into the life after death that reaches beyond our imagining. They have asked you to be present with them when a quiet voice asks, “Could we pray?” and you have the unspeakable privilege of speaking into the holiness of the moment. Such sacredness, to stand on that holy ground, is our call and our blessing – at times a heartbreaking one – but a blessing indeed.

In the midst of the joys and sorrows of life in the church’s shared ministries, we are constantly called back to the center of our spiritual selves. We are constantly being invited to take another look at the mountain and see it for its beauty and privilege. If we fail to do so, we may discover that the ministry we began with such earnestness has become a Sisyphean form of self-injury. We berate ourselves for all that we are not able to do instead of thanking God for the ability to offer even a bit of solace, a bit of God’s joy, to the people who need it the most.

Perspective and constant reality checks – these are the key to what we call “self-care.”

3.You are dispensable.
Our ministries are shared with capable and faithful people of God who have their own ministries to carry out as well. If we begin to believe in our own myth of being indispensable, we are not only being highly arrogant, but just plain wrong. To acknowledge and nurture the spiritual gifts of the people around us is more than just part of the job description. It is a sacred duty that we owe to one another.

You will do your congregation a huge favour by setting appropriate boundaries.

I will begin my annual vacation next week. I tend to take most of my holiday time at once, so I have a month to dedicate to my partner and all of those friends who understand why I don’t see them as much as I would like to during the year. My partner loves his barbeque, so I will happily leave that task to him while I read some good novels, go for long walks, and fall into that lovely “holiday mode” where I sleep when I’m tired and eat when I’m hungry. This time is vital for my continuing ministry.

Boundaries matter.

I believe that being available 24/7/365 disengages the ministries and spiritual gifts within the congregation. What are we saying about those gifts if we feel that we are indispensable for a month? Personally, my congregation managed quite well for the eighteen months without paid accountable ministry personnel before my arrival here. I am absolutely certain that they can take care of things for a month!

I do not set these boundaries to avoid others, but to re-acquaint myself with myself. Doing so means that when September arrives and the campers and travellers return along with me to our weekly worship and activities, my energy, my imagination, my creativity, and my personal spiritual well will be filled to overflowing. Then, by the grace of God, we will celebrate God’s presence in our midst with great joy and with songs of praise – all of us refreshed and ready to carry out our ministry together!