Vulnerability Friday Five

Over on the RevGal site, Sally says:

It seems almost crass to post a Friday 5 after Mary-Beth's last post and prayer request for our dear Gannet Girl and her family. So I hope that folk will take this in the spirit with which it is offered; that of continuing prayer and concern tempered by the knowledge that we are called both to weep and to rejoice with our communities.

I have recently been reading a book entitled Jesus wept, it is all about vulnerability in leadership. The authors speak of how Jesus shared his earthly frustrations and vulnerabilities with a select group of people. To some he was the charismatic leader and teacher, to others words of wisdom were opened and explained and some frustrations shared, to his "inner circle of friends: Peter, James and John, he was most fully himself, and in all of these things he was open to God.

So I bring you this weeks Friday 5:

1. Is vulnerability something that comes easily to you, or are you a private person? Depends on the situation and the people involved. Considering that I spent two and a half years keeping my pain as close to my chest as I possibly could, I suppose the most honest answer would be NO, vulnerability does not come easily to me. And yet, I've spoken publicly about difficult topics such as depression and anxiety, openly admitting that I live with both. Some parts of my life seem to be worn on the outside, while others I protect the way one would protect a nest of newborn chicks.

2.How important is it to keep up a professional persona in work/ ministry? I believe that ministry does require a particular professionalism that does not end with the exit from the church building. On my day off, when I run into a parishioner in the fruit section of the supermarket who has something to share, I am the minister. I don't have the luxury of removing myself from my vocation at will, which is simply the reality of life in ministry. And yet, my "at home" persona is obviously different from the one I share in my ministry.

Having said all that, I like to think that the two are not all that far apart from each other.

3. Masks, a form of self protection discuss... I'm an expert on the subject of masks as self protection. Since September 2005, I made a full-time job of putting on a smile and making sure no one knew that the monster in my head was threatening to take over the day. Some days I pulled it off. On other days, my pale demeanour and wincing eyes gave away my suffering. Mostly, people suggested that perhaps I needed more sleep.

The masks became more and more difficult to maintain and eventually impossible. Therefore, medical leave.

4. Who knows you warts and all? Pillar. And yet, for some odd reason he still loves me.

5. Share a book, a prayer, a piece of music, a poem or a person that touches the deep place in your soul, and calls you to be who you are most authentically. See #4.