Saturday thoughts

For anyone who is keeping track, I am presently a guinea pig in a 60 day experiment. Remember way back in June when I received a diagnosis from Headache Doc that differed from family doc? Well, apparently the only way to determine which of the two docs is correct is to send me to hell for 60 days. Hell being the place where I can't take so much as a tylenol for pain for those 60 days. I have complied, because it doesn't make sense not to, and because I am nothing if not a compliant patient.

So far, family doc is in the lead.

His original diagnosis of Chronic Daily Headache means that without pain meds, my head should still hurt as much, if not more, than it did with the meds. If Headache doc is correct, the pain should ease up, on the assumption that the pain was due largely to medication overuse, or rebound.

Teh Head, she hurts more. The only difference is that I don't have those morning hours of slightly less pain that used to have.

On the other hand, we're just past half time, so anything could happen at this point.

Also, I'm going away for myofascial release treatment which could possibly give me some relief and throw a wrench into the whole experiment. If I come away from the treatment with no pain, then who won? Does it matter as long as I don't hurt?

Family doc has been firm but supportive through the 60 Days of Hell experiment. I'll admit, it wasn't news I was happy to hear - that I was on my own with my ice pak for two months. But after a lot of tears and a few days perspective, I realized that it is what it is and there is little point in throwing any tantrums. Nothing about the guinea pig status is going to change until it's over, so I'll run the hamster wheel until it's done.

Then I'll have a clear diagnosis.

After three years of pain.

*sigh*

Then what? That's the more important question. What gets me back to work? What brings back to some kind of decent quality of life?

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In other news, I'm packing again. I don't want to pack again. I've been away enough this spring/summer. If not for a lot of evidence that the trip is worthwhile, I would happily stay at home. Pillar will be fine - we have tons of support here. I'm just so tired. I feel as if the last few grains of energy I have left are going to be gone as ssoon as I board the plane tomorrow. After that - fumes.

Here's hoping it's worth the effort.